By Iris Knapp
In the summer of 2020 with COVID gaining momentum and regular life
routines going by the wayside, I never would have imagined that Zoom
rooms would become a regular part of my life. This started with Stephanie
Holmes' invitation to join a Zoom group she was starting. It was aptly called
“What Happened to My Happily Ever After?” and I reluctantly said yes.
I had no idea what to expect. There were nine of us, all neurotypical wives,
in in various stages of separation or divorce all from neurodiverse husbands.
I spent all of the first meeting just listening. As each woman shared, I was
surprised and amazed as they all shared experiences similar to mine. In my
heart I was saying me too, me too! As I looked on the screen at the faces of
the other ladies in our group, they were all shaking their heads. Yes, they
also understood. There was a connection!
This journey for years had been so isolating and I had been so alone. When
I would talk to a pastor, a Christian counselor, or even a friend I would hear
things like “Submit more” or “Men who've been in the military are just like
that or “ You must be exaggerating” and “He's great at church!” As time went
on I found myself losing who I was and I learned to just be quiet in order to
keep the peace. If I disagreed with something my husband said I was being
argumentative and disrespectful. He said he was smarter than I was and he
knew more than I did and the Bible says he is the head of me!
You must understand that I am NOT against marriage, I love marriage! I do
believe what the Bible says, in context. Not all neurotypical / neurodiverse
relationships are doomed to end in divorce, there are many good
relationships but there are also unique issues that can create major
problems if both partners are not willing to look honestly at the issues and be
willing to work on them together.
None of us got married with divorce in mind. As Christian women we
planned on being married for a lifetime and the thought of divorce is
devastating and humiliating. And to make matters worse, this was another
marriage for me after my divorce from my children's dad, who was a minister
who became an addict and turned away from God. I felt like a failure.
In our online group we did talk about what happened in our marriages but we
spent most of the time in the word of God and allowing the Holy Spirit to heal
our hearts. We prayed for each other, not just during the time we met on
online but during the week. We would also share with each other via email.
We were comforting & encouraging each other in the same way we had
been comforted by the Father. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). This wasn't planned, it
just happened.
Over the past almost three years this group has continued with new people
joining in and established ladies moving on. Many of those who have left are
staying in touch and we've been able to cheer each other on as our lives are
being restored; we celebrate victories and cry with each other and
encourage one another when life is too hard. We can't change the past and
we can't change other people. That is a choice each of us have to make,to
allow God to change and heal us.
This group has been going on now for almost three years with a few of the
original participants and many new ones. It's been a safe and supportive
place for all of us. It has been a blessing to see women who when they
started with the group, could only cry, but now can offer encouragement and
hope to others. God doesn't stop working in our lives just because our
marriages ended.
I love Dan & Stephanie's tag line“There is no exclusion in Jeremiah 29:11”
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you
and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. is There is hope
for the future no exclusion clause in Jeremiah 29:11. There is a hope for the
future!
If you would like the support of a women's small group or you are looking for
a Christian Life coach contact me at: coachingwithiris@gmailcom