(Written by Barbara Grant, MMFT, NDCC, CAS, with the input of many neurotypical wives) Dear Faith Leaders and Marriage Helpers, We write to you with respect and gratitude for your heart to help struggling couples. Yet many Christian women in neurodiverse marriages —where one partner is autistic or has ADHD— have suffered further harm under well-intentioned but uninformed guidance. Our hope is that this letter opens eyes, hearts, and conversations toward more compassionate

By Mary Gable (pen name), an NT Wife Part 1 While chatting with a friend several years ago, she referenced the word schemata. While I’d heard it before, I walked away with valuable insight after years of marital confusion. Miriam Webster defines schemata as: a mental codification of experience that includes a particular organized way of perceiving cognitively and responding to a complex situation or set of stimuli. Between my spouse’s memory lapses and his hulk like defense m

A New Conversation & a New Show! Holmes’ Cinema Clues! By Cinema Agent Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes Like many ideas in our family, Holmes’ Cinema Clues didn’t begin as a formal plan. It grew out of ordinary conversations that Dan and I have had for years about movies, characters, and the way certain stories linger with us long after the credits roll. Every once in a while, a scene or a character will capture something so familiar that it feels like the writers somehow stumbled ont

Launching May 1, 2026 at 8 pm ET on YouTube! What is it? Each episode treats media like a case file. With neurodivergent guests, clinicians, and behavioral experts, the show investigates representation: what works, what falls into stereotype, and why certain portrayals resonate so strongly with viewers. The goal isn’t necessarily a diagnosis — it’s insight. A smarter way to watch stories and understand how media shapes identity, belonging, and perception. Sharp, accessible, a

By Barbara Grant, MMFT, Certified Autism Specialist The Bible describes the gift of discernment as the ability to distinguish between spirits (1 Corinthians 12:10). Yet the topic is often misunderstood. Some people assume discernment means confidently knowing who is right and who is wrong in every situation. But biblical discernment is humbler and more thoughtful than that. True discernment involves carefully distinguishing between truth and error, good and evil, while remain

By Jeremy Rochford TI-CLC, MHC, YMHC, BCS Have you ever sat back and asked yourself, “Why can’t my Neurodiverse partner just do the thing I keep asking them to do?” I mean, you’ve given them all the tools, resources, and time needed, but they’re still not following through?!?! Many days it feels like you’re stuck in the movie Groundhog Day, where the next day comes, but the results never change. And, to make it worse, there’s never a Bill Murray cameo. It’s the literal defin

By Ginny & Tommy, NeuroDiverseChristian Couple Life circumstances whether it be good or bad, can change a person’s heart. I came into my marriage with a heart that was soft, full of love, care and devotion. Two decades of friction from pain, betrayal, misunderstandings, lack of communication and lack of having a partner caused my heart to develop calluses that were running deep. I knew that I didn’t want those calluses to get any bigger. I grew up knowing there was a God an

By Greg Reller This blog is a companion to one written by my wife Carol. We thought it might help other ND marriages to see both of our views of the types of changes we have attempted to improve our marriage relationship. I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1 (ASD1 or Aspergers Syndrome) about 10 years ago and about 25 years after we were married. Like many in similar relationships (Uniquely Us-Gracefully Navigating the Maze of Neurodiverse Marriage, Chapt

By Barbara Grant, MMFT, CAS, NDCC Many neurodiverse couples seeking marriage help share a commitment to improving their relationship. In these cases, couples coaching can help partners address problems, strengthen their connection, and work together toward acceptance and change. Models like the Hope for Couples Roadmap to Hope and Healing© can be very effective over the 6-12 months of time a couple invests. But sometimes partners begin coaching in very different places. One

By Carol Reller Ten years ago, I realized my husband Greg had Autism Level 1 (then Asperger’s). Some of the details are in this past blog. https://www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/post/what-i-didn-t-know-hurt-me . So, I wanted to share what has changed and what hasn’t in those ten years. My husband is still autistic. Yes, that doesn’t change. It doesn’t get fixed, or go away with meds or therapy. Therefore, he still has the traits that go along with being autistic.

By NeuroDiverse Couple Ginny & Tommy Smith I would imagine most wives go into a marriage having grown up with the dream that the husband is to be trustworthy, a good communicator, a provider, taking initiative, being accountable and is responsible for the family's spiritual, financial, and overall well-being. At the same time there being shared decision -making and the wife looking to him for support, comfort and protection. And when this doesn’t happen what do you do? We

Author: Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes, Certified Autism Specialist A Story About Missing Context: How ND Literal Reporting Can Derail Coaching When Mark met Lily, he was enchanted by her independence and drive. She was a graphic designer who traveled often for work and loved spending weekends hiking or painting. In their early dating conversations, Lily said, “I’m not domestic at all. I’m never home, I don’t organize, I don’t decorate, and I don’t fold laundry. If you’re looking fo

BARBARA GRANT, MMFT, CAS, NDCC JANUARY 15, 2026 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4) “You need to feel in order to heal … and feeling safe is a sensory experience .” Jesus’ words in the Beatitudes are often quoted, but rarely practiced. We affirm the promise of comfort, yet subtly resist the path that leads there: mourning. In many Christian spaces, grief is tolerated only under very specific conditions—most often when someone dies. De

Why Siloed 1:1 Work- Doesn’t Work! Author: Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes, Certified Autism Specialist I hope that in this series, I have laid the foundation for the position that 1:1 work cannot be done in a silo without context. If you have not been following the series, number 2 in the series on autobiographical memory/narrative would be a helpful read first. Truth vs. Accuracy: Autobiographical Memory Recall in Coaching One couple I worked with, let’s call them Bob (autistic hus

By Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes, Autism Specialist, with Dan Holmes, NeuroDiverse Couples’ Coaches In nearly every marriage-coaching case we work with, there comes a moment—especially when coaching autistic adult men—when the spouse asks in frustration: “How can we do progress-based coaching if my husband doesn’t remember the events the way I do?” Or the autistic husband genuinely insists: “That’s not how it happened. I don’t remember it like that.” And both feel stuck, invalidate

Author: Dr. Stephanie Holmes, Certified Autism Specialist A Letter to the Neurotypical Wife Who Just Wants Her Husband to Do His Own Work: The difference between individual work and siloed work A Series On “Acceptance” of Neurodiversity and What NeuroDiverse Marriage Means I love it that so many wives who come to work with me or one of the coaches in the International Association of NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages referral network are getting stronger, finding their voice, s

Author: Dr. Stephanie C. Holmes, Certified Autism Specialist Reader/Listener’s Question: Is it an NT/ND thing or a male/female thing? All the men in my church's men’s group have the same struggle joining the emotional bandwagon, and they aren’t all ND. So how do you distinguish the difference between typical male/female thinking and NT/ND thinking?” Common Refrain: Stephanie, when I tell my [counselor, pastor, friend, group, pastor’s wife…] about my marriage, I feel like I am

By Barbara Grant, MMFT, NDCC, CAS "Resentment (bitterness) is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." Saint Augustine of Hippo (Note: For this blog, I’ll be referring to the NT partner as “her” or “wife” and to the ND partner as “he” or “husband.” No exclusions or offense intended!) It’s not uncommon that bitterness evolves in neurodiverse marriages. Because of the “double empathy” problem (where both partners fail to understand each other’s perspectiv

Part 2 of 2 by Jeremy Rochford TI-CLC, C-MHC, C-YMHC How to Heal from RSD — Self-Advocating with Awareness It’s important to note. Healing doesn’t mean you never feel rejection. It means you stop letting your triggers get the best of you and take an active role in reducing your impulsive reactions. Here’s where I’ve found the most success, not only in my life, but in helping others. 1. Be Honest and Name It. When that emotional wave hits, recognize it and say, “My brain is

Part 1 of 2 by Jeremy Rochford TI-CLC, C-MHC, C-YMHC What do we want? A BLOG ABOUT REJECTION SENSITIVITY DYSPHORIA!!!! When do we want it? NOW!!!!!!! When will we get it? See, that’s the problem. I’m not quite sure. On one hand, if I write a blog and you don’t like it, then it proves my writing has been a waste of time. But if I do write it, and you happen to enjoy it, then that means everything else I write must be as agreeable. But, on the other hand, if I don’t write the