From Different Worlds to One Shared Journey: How Travel Became Our Bridge
- Dan Holmes
- Jul 10
- 3 min read
By Stephanie & Dan
Stephanie: When I was in fourth grade, my teacher gave our class a challenge: get to know the world you live in by getting to know all 50 states. It sparked something in me- the thrill of discovery, the curiosity of culture, the sense of connection. That day, I made a promise to myself: one day, I’ll visit every single state.
Fast forward to marrying Dan, with expectations that he may share this dream or bucket list with me. Of course, when we married, we did not know we were a neurodiverse couple. Before we knew about our neurodiversity in our relationship, we were missing each other and living two different marriage experiences. When we did find out about our neurodiversity, it was never about “fixing” each other but about understanding, truly seeing each other.
Still, there was a moment, early in our marriage, when I felt stuck between my childhood dream of travel and the reality of our differences. I was ready to pack my bags and hit the road. Dan? He didn’t even see the point.
Dan
I like things to be predictable and practical. Home is that. Travel, on the other hand, felt... unnecessary. Why spend thousands of dollars and hours in airports or on the road just to see things I could learn about from books, documentaries, or Google Earth?
When Stephanie first brought up the idea of visiting all 50 states — together — I couldn’t relate. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time with her; it was that I didn’t understand why travel had to be the way we did it. I didn’t see the value then; all I saw were the challenges and cost.
Stephanie’s
At first, I thought, This is just another thing we won’t get to share. But that didn’t feel right. I didn’t want to live a parallel life. I wanted a shared life. And so I stopped trying to “convince” Dan and started asking questions: What would travel look like for you? How can we do this in a way we both would enjoy- together? And to be honest, in our early years, we did not have the money to travel and had to be very creative in travel, even utilizing those free 3/2 night trips on timeshare presentations.
We began designing experiences that honored both of us. Dan didn’t have to love every aspect of the journey, but we found ways to love the time together.
Dan’s
Stephanie didn’t push me to become someone I’m not. She invited me into her world and made space for my needs. Each trip became less about destinations and more about connection. I began to see the value, not in the travel itself, but in what it gave us: stories, growth, and a shared rhythm.
Together: A Shared Experience
As a neurodiverse couple. That doesn’t mean one of us has to bend completely to the other. It means we learn how to dance to each other’s rhythms.
Travel — once a dividing line — became a bridge. It wasn’t about hitting all 50 states anymore. Well, for Stephanie, that was a major thing. It was about finding new ways to be in the world together. We created a life where Stephanie’s love for exploration and Dan’s need for structure could coexist beautifully.
We talk more about this in our podcast on NeuroDiverse Christian Couples on July 7, 2025.
A Travel Form/Worksheet Dr. Stephanie created is here:
Comments