Order, Integrity, and the Image of God: A Foundation for Neurodiverse Marriage

By Dan Holmes

When we look at the opening chapter of the Bible—Genesis 1—we often debate the details: How long were the days? What about the Big Bang? Is this poetry or history?

But what if, for a moment, we stopped arguing about the science and looked instead at what this passage reveals about God’s character, and how that character lays a foundation for our marriages, especially in the unique context of neurodiverse relationships?

Let’s start with a simple but profound truth:

God is consistent. His Word and His actions are always in perfect alignment. In Genesis 1, He speaks—and it is so. He declares what will happen—and it happens exactly that way, in the exact order He gives.

This integrity of word and deed isn’t just about theology. It’s about identity. Because in Genesis 1:26, God says something equally profound:

“Let us make man in our image…”

The Hebrew word for “image” (tselem) carries the sense of a representation—like a shadow, a reflection, or a visible imprint of an invisible reality. In other words, we were made to be little mirrors of God—to reflect His nature, His values, and His way of being.

Which means, among other things:

We were made for integrity.

Our words and actions were meant to match—just like His.

In a Neurodiverse Marriage, This Matters Deeply

When one or both spouses are neurodivergent—whether on the autism spectrum, living with ADHD, or processing the world differently—communication and expectations can often get out of sync. Words might not match tone. Intent might not match impact. Promises might be made with good intentions, but execution doesn’t follow.

And when that happens, it’s easy for trust to erode.

But here’s the hope:

Our calling as image-bearers isn’t about being flawless. It’s about growing into greater alignment with the God we reflect.

God’s consistency in Genesis 1 gives us a relational blueprint:

• Say what we mean.

• Do what we say.

• Honor the order we’ve been given—not just in theology, but in daily life.

God’s Creation Order Was Not Random

It’s easy to overlook, but the order of creation in Genesis 1 is both intentional and counterintuitive. Light comes before the sun. The earth is shaped before the stars are made. Plants appear before the sun and moon.

To modern minds, this seems backward. But to God, it’s purposeful.

Why?

Because God Himself is the source of light—not the sun (cf. Revelation 21:23). And His order doesn’t follow human logic—it reveals divine truth: that creation flows from His Word, not from natural cause and effect.

This matters for us, because marriage—especially neurodiverse marriage—must be built on God’s order, not human expectations.

Consistency Is Not the Same as Sameness

One of the tensions in neurodiverse relationships is that spouses often process the world very differently. That’s not a flaw. It’s a feature. But when these differences collide, it can feel chaotic—like the order is breaking down.

But God isn’t calling us to be the same—He’s calling us to be consistent.

And that means:

• If you say you’ll be present—be present.

• If you commit to learning your spouse’s needs—do the work to understand them.

• If you express love—let your actions carry it through.

God created with both beauty and order, and as His image-bearers, we are meant to reflect that—even in our weaknesses, our wiring, and our misunderstandings.

Rest Is Part of the Image

In Genesis, God works for six days and then rests. Not because He’s tired—but because He’s modeling a rhythm of order, completion, and delight.

The Sabbath wasn’t just a day off. It was a statement:

“I have done what I said I would do. It is finished. It is good.”

That’s what rest looks like: resting in integrity.

In neurodiverse marriages, rest might feel elusive. Miscommunication and unmet expectations can lead to emotional exhaustion. But real rest—biblical rest—comes when both partners are leaning into their God-given roles:

• Speaking truth

• Following through

• Embracing each other’s design

• And trusting that God’s order is better than our own

A Final Word

If God made the world with consistency and clarity, and then created us in His image, then our lives—including our marriages—must reflect that consistency.

Not perfectly. But increasingly.

So if you find yourself in the daily grind of misunderstanding and repair, remember this:

Your marriage isn’t random. It was made with purpose, within a story written by a God who does not contradict Himself.

You’re not just two people trying to figure each other out.

You’re image-bearers, learning to walk in step with the Creator—whose Word is trustworthy, whose deeds are good, and whose order is not a burden, but a blessing.