OPTIONS: For Those Who Stay

(Editor's note: This is a special Monday publication. A couple of the last posts were duplicative. Instead of replacing those, a new blog is created. There are some who might have copied links and therefore replacing the text in an existing blog could create confusion for those that read it for the first time.)

Author: Mary Gable (pseudonym)

A new season is upon us. Cooler weather. Breathable air. Sunny skies.

After a long three months, I feel hope. But mixed with that hope, confusion remains. I

see three ways forward and I’m not sure which one will prevail.

Option #1: Stay

I can stay in my marriage, accepting God is not surprised, dismayed, or unaware of my

discomfort. In choosing this path, I submit to the notion that my marriage exists to hone

me in ways I don’t always like or understand. But as I’m honed, changed, healed, and

grown, I’m also able to pass on my experiences to others to help them stand in

discomfort.

And let’s face it, the world isn’t very comfortable right now.

In fact, there’s really no place that escapes the influence of social media hyped opinions

- opinions that flair on the internet and then resonate everywhere, disturbing the peace.

I subbed in a high school classroom yesterday where the teacher made it clear she

didn’t need my help maintaining the class. When I later learned she had taught for over

a decade in Egypt and Saudi Arabia, I understood her rugged independence as well as

the grace and strength she exhibited, handling difficult situations.

Living in the harsh environments made her strong. So maybe, staying in an awkward,

yet familiar home environment is what’s needed for me to grow into a person who can

more easily stand her ground in this ever changing, uneasy world.

“Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.    And

hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our

hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us” (Romans 5: 3-5 NIV).

Option #2: Leave

After several decades together, some newsworthy couples have called it quits this

week. I could do the same. I could decide things haven’t changed and won’t change,

concluding, stepping out of the awkward is the only path toward living as my true self.

Some days I fully believe I’ll never be able to feel like the person I was prior to standing

at the altar. Things changed so fast, I crumbled under a load of confusion mixed with

empathy for my spouse’s deep wounds.

His wounds still reside so I don’t want to hurt him further. But there are days I truly

wonder if we both wouldn’t be better off apart. He doesn’t agree. But I often feel like I’m

asking something of him he simply doesn’t have to give.

And maybe if I’m honest, I’m simply struggling to forgive him for a choice he made this

summer (on top of many other choices). For not only did he make the choice without my

input, in time he flipped the narrative and accused me of feeling entitled to input that

wasn’t mine to give. His argument shut me down for weeks.

But something erupted in me during a long car ride last week and I realized his opinion

was a denigration of what I went through and the me I know myself to be. While he

backed down, I still battle how hard it is to be seen for who I am in the context of our

relationship.

Often judged for motives I don’t have, and left spinning, I’m left to wonder if managing

financial stress and singleness would prove an easier course. Would my mind and body

heal? Somedays it seems the tradeoff would be worth it.

But only some days.

Option #3: Sit Alone and Wait

This may sound a bit depressing but there’s actually a lot of hope in the notion of

waiting.

Consider the following:

“I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.   I well remember

them, and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great

love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every

morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion;

therefore, I will wait for him.’

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to

wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is

young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the Lord has laid it on him. Let him bury his

face in the dust—there may yet be hope.

Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with

disgrace.   For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.   Though he brings grief, he will

show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring

affliction or grief to anyone” (Lamentations 3: 19 – 33 NIV).

There’s something quite powerful about actively waiting on the Lord—waiting in pain;

waiting in loneliness; waiting in suffering; or just waiting when the sky is blue, a perfect

breeze blows, and the temperature invites outdoor ease.

However, when we praise while we wait, we activate a different kind of faith. Hope

stirred, supernatural peace surprises and unexpected events occur—miracles that clear

the fog and make the next step quite clear.

Considering the three options, for now, I will actively wait, trusting God understands my

need for wholeness more than me. One day I may confidently stay or confidently leave.

But since it’s still not clear, I will confidently wait. And pray. And praise. And do my thing.

And breathe. And then pray some more.

One day, clarity will prevail.