Embracing Joy Together: How The 30 Days of Joy Can Strengthen Neurodiverse Christian Couples

By Stephanie and Dan Holmes

We’re excited to share our thoughts on a wonderful devotional resource we recently revisited together: The 30 Days of Joy by the Courseys. As a couple navigating our own unique blend of neurodiversity and faith, we’ve found this 30-day journey to be an invaluable tool. We hope our experiences inspire and encourage other neurodiverse Christian couples as you pursue deeper connection with each other and with God.

1. A Brief Introduction to Neurodiversity in Marriage

Before we dive in, let’s talk about neurodiversity. The term “neurodiverse” typically refers to the variety of ways in which the human brain can process information. Identifications like Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD, dyslexia, and more are encompassed in this umbrella. In a marriage context, embracing neurodiversity means recognizing that our brains might operate differently, but our shared faith and commitment create a foundation for unity. We believe God made us with these unique traits so that together, we can reflect His creativity and love in incredible ways. NeuroDiverse Christian Couples will need grace to recognize each other’s differences

2. Why The 30 Days of Joy?

The 30 Days of Joy by the Courseys is structured as a daily reading and activity focusing on cultivating joy in our everyday lives. With Scripture readings, reflective prompts, and practical activities, each day encourages couples to seek God’s presence and discover moments of gratitude and delight in every circumstance.We did not do the book in 30 days as the book prescribes. We attempted one to two a week when we were not traveling. As a neurodiverse couple, we found several key benefits:

Easy-To-Follow Format Each day is clearly outlined with steps and reflections. For neurodiverse individuals who may thrive on structure and clarity, having a consistent routine—especially one that can be done in a short amount of time—helps build and maintain momentum.
Personal Stories: Vulnerability

Chris and Jennifer Coursey share their lives and stories and struggles and how returning to joyful identity has helped their relationship.

Practical Application The daily prompts encourage action. Sometimes this means prayer, journaling, or simple acts of kindness or heart to heart holding. For couples with neurodiverse needs, hands-on activities can be a fantastic way to internalize the lessons and stay engaged with the material.

3. Our Personal Experience

Day 1: Relational Circuit Checklist

Day one gives you a run down on your relational circuits and how to know if yours are on or off. The activities revolve around discussion of knowing when yours or your spouse’s circuits are on or off and how to communicate that to each other. At the end of the day is a space to reflect and write down points in your discussion or growth points.

Day 11: Joy Stories

After you each take a moment to warm up your relational circuits, your activity is sharing joyful memories with your spouse or family from the past year. Each spouse takes turns sharing a story. Recalling joy with each other can recall and relive joy together. If it has been a rough year, perhaps 4 stories each would be tough but maybe start with 1 meaningful story or moment you felt joy with your spouse and show appreciation to each other.

Day 14: Joy in Silence

Some neurodiverse individuals may struggle with loud, busy environments. This particular day emphasized quiet meditation and listening for God’s voice in stillness. We practiced separate times of silent prayer, then came together to talk about what we heard or felt during those moments. It created a space where each of us could experience peace in our own way, fostering acceptance and respect.

4. Tips for Making The 30 Days of Joy Work for Your Neurodiverse Relationship

Set Realistic Expectations Not every day will look the same. Some days might be more challenging or draining. Give each other grace and adapt to each other’s energy levels and preferences.We found it was not possible to do this 30 days straight. Maybe start with one to two scheduled days a week for consistency.
Adapt the Activities If there’s a reflective question that seems too broad or unclear, try breaking it down into smaller prompts or using visuals. If the challenge for a particular day isn’t feasible, modify it in a way that fits your context. For example, the joy smiles and 5 minutes of eye gaze start with 15 to 30 seconds and build up from there.
Celebrate Small Wins Joy is cultivated over time and often found in the little things. Celebrate small steps of progress whether it’s maintaining a routine of praying together or simply having a positive conversation about a shared Scripture passage.
Use Multiple Communication Channels Some neurodiverse individuals find it easier to express themselves through writing, drawing, or even music. If one partner prefers pen-and-paper journaling and the other likes talking, do both! The important thing is to communicate and connect in ways that work for each of you. You do not have to stick to the strict guidelines; adapt it to what works for you.

5. Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Embracing joy is a daily decision. It may take effort to push past the day’s stresses, misunderstandings, or sensory overloads, but as you journey through The 30 Days of Joy together, you’ll begin to see the fruits of committing to joy and gratitude in Christ. Whether you’re newlyweds or have been married for decades, this devotional can be a gentle and practical guide to help realign your hearts and minds with God’s unchanging love.

We encourage you to lean on each other’s strengths and grow through your differences. Seek support when needed.This might be through your church community, a counselor, or fellow neurodiverse couples who can walk alongside you. Ultimately, remember that God designed each of you uniquely and brought you together for a powerful purpose.

May The 30 Days of Joy be a blessing to your marriage, filling your home with renewed hope, deeper unity, and a steadfast commitment to each other centered on the unshakable joy found in Christ.

Our YouTube video:What I like about you and how you help me grow! Is based on our 30 days of Joy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jb2aZXFP8GM&t=690s

We have podcasts with the Courseys in our catalog: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/neurodiverse-christian-couples--4992356

Minding your Joy Gap 2024- Chris Coursey

30 Days of Joy 2025: Chris & Jennifer Coursey